On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
