omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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