i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
