Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
