It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
