I'm really into asian looking animals
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
