Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
