just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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