I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
