you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
