I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
