Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
