your thong is hanging out like whoa
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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