my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
