I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
