Me too!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Acid is not a monday night drug
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
