the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
