He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
