Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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