just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
