so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
