1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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