dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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