We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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