You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
