sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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