...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
