I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
