What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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