well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They took my balls.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
