Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
