At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
