Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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