My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
