quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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