Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
so let's talk penis.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
FUCK WHALES
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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