I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
