i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
