Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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