We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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