Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
