Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
