like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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