I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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