You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
