He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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