Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
