You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
