At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
