I think I died a long time ago.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
