I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
