i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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