i think my tv is drunk
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
