How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
