I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
