Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
