I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Someone shattered a urinal.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
